"im gobsmacked. first, becuz ive never been able to find yor journal entries before. secondly, becuz i never knew that's why you didnt tell. i thot you just werent activist material. third, becuz i didnt know nik hadnt been supportive of you. but nik was ashamed of everything about himself w/contradicts his narcissism, i know, but they often go hand in hand. knowing this, why wouldnt he want you to join his shame fest?
i have long thot you one of the bravest folk i know. i have long marvelled at how motivated you were to transition, how steadfast you seemed, even as you would from time to time grow tired of the effort. (ive never forgotten you saying to me once that you wished you werent so damned special.) you know the saying about some folk are born to greatestness, some strive & some have it thrust upon them. you were born for the extraordinary, my darlin son, & you've taken to it like a duck to water.
there will be times in the future when you forget that you are a sacred being. there'll be folk like nik & topher's mother who are so intimidated by anything but the mundane that they'll cast stones in yor direction. not even the sacred are expected to go thru things on their own. remember those who love you -- topher, yor eccentric circle of friends, yor wider family & of course, the fabulous hag. we are the solid & constantly moving surface from which you launch yor being. we do so revel in you. & i believe, that of all the wondrous things which've greeted me on turning 50, what you wrote in yor journal was by far the most moving. no mother wants anything more for her child than to see him be, as the irish would say, no more than himself.
i love you like my next breath, as well you know. "